Nirvana Mommas

If one is lucky a solitary fantasy can totally transform a million realities  ~Maya Angelou 

AMAZING!  Saturday night was the Twiga at Twilight gala to benefit the Safari West Wildlife Foundation.  The event raised lots of money for a good cause!  This will enable Safari West to teach children, as well as us adults a genuine and respectful appreciatiation for wildlife. 

This event was purely focused on one new little addition to Safari West.  A 130 pound, 6′0 tall male Maasai giraffe born on September 3, 2008 to first time father, Tufani.  Surprisingly Jamala gave birth all on her own.  While all the zookeeper’s were out giving tours, Jamala decided to give birth standing up.  Upon arrival to the birth, zookeeper’s had a nice visual of Jamala standing with her baby’s feet dangling out of her (as if that picture isn’t picturesque enough)??  I saw the new male calf and Jamala up close and personal while traveling on top of the safari jeep, all while sipping my glass of red wine.  Unbelievable beauty.  I felt as though we were in a different world.  I felt as though we were in Afica.  Truly.  As we sat and watched Jamala and baby hang out, we then started the jeep and headed to the new rhinoceroses that just arrived.  Yes, rhinoceroses (2 of them). 

Tours were going on as guests arrived.  So, if you wanted…you could get a tour of the giraffes, rhinoceroses and other animals frolicking through the hills.  Amazing land and amazing animals.  When Rod and I arrived, we grabbed a glass of wine and as we walked to find our table with my dad (Yes, Jerry Johnson…), a baby zebra wandered by.  A 3 week baby boy whose mother died why delivering.  Zebra’s aren’t very friendly either, so guests were constantly reminded not to walk BEHIND the animal.  An alligator, llhama and iguana all made a presence at the silent auction too. 

As we sat down, we began the dining experience with avocado, tomato and grilled shrimp salad.  After this super grubbin salad, we were given fire roasted beef, black eyed peas, rice with carrots and ginger, vegetables and garlic and herb flat bread.  AND LOTS OF WINE; compliments of Chateau St. Jean.  Dessert was finished off during the live auction.  A peach sundae with orange caramel sauce filled the guests right up.  The sugar was a good choice because the paddles started flying!!  Some of the items auctioned:  “Somewhere over the merlot.”  This included two in a hot air balloon at sunrise over Napa, a private tour of Castello di Amorosa (Sattui owned castle), a relaxing spa treatment and dinner and overnight accommodations at Meadowood.” This went for $2700.00.  The best auction of the night??  Getting to name the new six foot tall bundle of gangly joy.  Value:  priceless.  All I could think of was that I would love to have named this giraffe after my boys.  What was the problem you ask?  Well, someone paid $4000 to name baby boy.  Mmmmm…..didn’t have my checkbook on me. 

Rod and I were on our way out of the event in the dark with tiki torches lighting our path when through the hills, I heard the most beautiful sounds.  I stopped dead in my 6 inch black stilletos and a beautiful chant filled the air.  It was Guideon (who is a tour guide at Safari West and more impressively the voice behind Xhosa and the singing from Disney’s Lion King).  The first time Rod, myself and the boys attended the safari and stayed the night, Gabriel was our tour guide.  He sang outside of the buffalo’s.  CRAZY.  Another crazy fact?  Worldwide Disney’s Lion King made $784 million dollars.  WOW!  I must say this was an amazing way to end a great night!  I walked to the car with a little “wow-ify” in my step! 

I’m gonna leave you with a Twiga Folktale:

Twiga (the gentle giraffe).  The folktale of Twiga centers around the animal’s natural curiousity.  After God created all the animals, he spoke to each one and told them of their job on Earth.  While God spoke to Twiga, the animal became so fascinated by God’s voice that he stretched his neck as far as possible to listen more closely to God’s message.  The giraffe listened so intently and strained so hard that God was pleased by his efforts and elegantly elongated the giraffe’s neck to show all other animals that extra effort in life can be rewarded. ~Anonymous Swahili folk tale

It’s easy to spot the cutest accessory piece for baby and toddler up to 24 months.  If you haven’t seen them or can’t see the darling argyle socks chillin in the grass above, check out www.trumpette.com.  The greatest thing is that I have a young niece that I can buy “trumpette” items for.  It started with my passion for the “mary jane” socks.  If you don’t know..these socks look as though your baby is wearing mary janes.  The CUTEST thing ever.  THEN…my niece was turning 1.  So, what did I do?  Logged onto trumpette.com and found SO MUCH MORE.  I also found out that there is a store in Gold River located at 2095 Gold Center Lane, #20.  The telephone number is 916 631-0355.

Anyway..when I logged on, I found the most unique birthday hat around.  It was a small pink cake, with white frosting and 1 candle in the middle.  It had beautiful ribbons to affix around the head.  I couldn’t believe it.  Of course trumpette at the time was out of the hat, so I searched HIGH and LOW at every boutique you can imagine.  I did finally find the hat!  YIPPEE. 

Now Christmas time is coming near. (YIKES, right?)  I just logged on to see “What’s New.”  I was stoked.  They have andy track’s patton leather hot pink shoes, with chartreuse laces.  Yes, chartreuse laces.  So, I picked those up already.  I also LOVED the little driving moccasin (in orange)…TO DIE FOR.  Some other HOT items I plan on picking up are the “me and my mary jane RAINBOOTS, and the chick and argyle TIGHTS.  Yep, tights with little tiny black chicks all over them.  I mean, talk about HOT, HOT, HOT accessory piece for your infant or toddler.

Trumpette is a great gift for a baby shower, holiday or birthday.  OR to just give as a “Welcome home baby!”  Honestly, I almost purchased every box of trumpette socks for my niece.  My favorites?  The daily socks with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and so on….  Anyway, a box full of 6 will set you back $24.50.  They also have boy colors and flavors too.  Such as little Johnny golf, camouflage, prince and I have seen some cowboy ones.  Not only can you pick up socks, you can grab up tights, shoes, clothing and of course the BIRTHDAY hat (which comes in both blue and pink).  They also have a ceramic mary jane keepsake, just to name a few of the fun gifts you can send to your niece or nephew.

Seriously, if another baby came bouncing our way…he or she would be decked out in trumpette gear.  Sound the horns ladies and gentlemen….

Have a great weekend!!

Whether you have one, two, three or more ducklings in your family, you still are part of a “family.”  Family can be described as a social unit residing under the same household.  That COULD consist of one or two parents, and a child or children.  And let’s throw some cats, dogs, pigs and cows as part of our family too.  Family is where we all learn: love, caring, compassion, ethics, honesty, fairness, common sense, reason, peaceful conflict resolution and respect for ourselves and others.  These are some vital fundamental skills, and family values that allow us to live life in harmony.

So part of Shelley and my views on life are slightly different (which makes our blog posting much more interesting).  This is what makes our blogs have different perspective, light and clarity.  Some people may relate with Shelley and some with me.  I love that we can offer both views.  Shelley grew up in a nuclear family.  She had her mom, dad, sister and brother ALWAYS with her.  She also came home from school to home cooked meals, freshly baked cookies and her parents sitting around the dining room table talking about the day.  This is NORMAL to her.  (If there is a normal)?  In life, she grew up to want those same things (which is logical considering her upbringing).  To her, a family and/or a family vibe consists of a mom, dad and two kids (or at least a mom, dad and child). 

When I grew up, I had my mom and sister in one household and my dad, stepmom, and 3 other sisters in another household.  Although you would think I enjoyed my dad’s household more since it was filled with more kids and two parents; I didn’t.  I grew up my entire life with my mom and sister.  I didn’t have the option to go every 2 days to my dad’s house and then 2 days back to my mom’s and every other weekend.  I went to my dad’s for monthly visits, holidays and sometimes longer trips in the summer.  There were also times that I was with my mom by myself without my sister.  My sister at that time had visitation with her father.  AND I loved that.  I loved just being with my mom.

So here lies the difference:  I believe a family vibe and a family is what you have and what you make of it.  I think Connor is very lucky to have his dad every 2 days and see his mom every 2 days.  I also think Jack is very lucky to have his dad every 2 days and see his mom every 2 days.  AND there are exceptions in there too.  Because of our relationship our children actually get to see each parent more frequently.  For instance, last night was skate night and Mike showed up to hang out and skate with Jack.  He got to see him on MY night.  This is what family, give and take and compromise is all about.

The great thing too is that neither Jack or Connor feel as though they have a “different” family vibe at our house versus the other home.  The ONLY difference, really?  Each other.  A brotherhood.  A bond that is different that a parent child bond.  I have more of a bond with my sisters than I do my parents.  It’s different.  They are the people that I will spend the rest of my life making sure are happy, healthy and taken care of (Not that I don’t want that for my parents BUT different). They are the people I WANT to spend my life hanging out with.  They are my best friends.  Imagine seeing your best friend for 2 days and then changing households?  That is truly the only difference between households.  And I KNOW this for a fact.  Why?

Well, a little birdy who sits on my shoulder told me!  Just kidding.  Those little birdies are the boys.  Connor talks ALL the time about Shelley and Jack talks about Mike.  It’s what healthy children do.  They are happy with both of us and the great family vibe each household has created.  And I am EXTREMELY happy that we are able to provide the consistency and love within all households.  Because that is truly what it is about.  LOVE.  Whether you are a family of two or ten.

LOVE.

Getting remarried or entering into the life of someone special cannot prepare you for the life as a “step parent.”  For me, I never felt like a “step parent” but I also didn’t allow myself to feel that way.  I more or less looked at my place in Connor’s life as a special person who will hopefully provide him some direction, growth and love.  I didn’t want to be a “step parent,” and I didn’t want Connor to feel as though he was living in a “step” household.  It’s two fold, really.  Not only do we as adults not want to feel “step” in any way, but our children don’t want to feel as though they are in a foreign household or feel foreign love.  They want to be loved as a “normal” parent/child relationship. 

If you are in a “step” parent role and are frustrated; understand that your emotions are normal, but you can turn it around.  Frustrations are normal in a situation where a child may be resenting the “step” parent.  Resenting the “step” parent can occur on so many levels.  Resentment because they feel that you aren’t their “real” parent, and have NO say in their discipline.  As an adult, frustration can play a huge part on a child rebelling.  BUT remember….you are ultimately the parent (no matter what age).  Sometimes a “step” child will end up with respect, admiration and love for their “step” parent.  Remember their “real” parent chose you to not only have a marriage or relationship, but also to parent the children that come with the relationship.  The majority of us don’t just pick a spouse or partner because they are good looking, rich or great in bed.  We choose them (or at least I hope so) for emotional support, equality and love for whatever you may bring to the table (baggage so to speak).  We pick people in our lives who will not only love us, but also be great parents (no matter the situation).

So if you are a “step” parent out there understand that you can turn a difficult situation into a positive one.  Be positive with your “step” child/children.  Understand human nature, but also understand that a child or children need direction for growth.  They may hate you at the beginning, but with consistent explanation on why you are there (because you love their parent and love them), and that you will never replace their other parent, they will “get it.”  Especially with consistency in your message.  Be consistent.  Create consistency at your household (whether it coincides with the other parents house or not).  With consistency at one home, they will know what to expect and won’t have the fear or concern of the unknown.  The best case scenario:  get everybody in the family on board.  SIMPLE.  If that’s not a possibility, control what YOU can control.  Control your family and make sure they have CONSISTENT love and support.

Get the negative stereotype of a “step” parent out of your head.  Step parents and real parents technically have the same responsibilities.  What are those responsibilities?  To provide love, support, strength and direction for “our” children.  Children only make a big deal about a “step” parent because society focuses so strongly on it.  We “claim” what was OURS and get our egos stomped on.  GET OVER IT.  If we as adults didn’t try so hard to “claim” what once was ours, maybe our children wouldn’t feel pain, resentment and anger over a decision they had no control over.  Remember we are the leaders in our own parenting worlds.  Let’s lead our children into a world of love, not hate.  Role models, not “step” parents.  Words and opinions can change society. 

If you are a single mom or dad out there, think about who you date, what they have to offer and if they are capable of YOUR baggage.  Because let’s face it; we all have it.  If people knew the baggage up front, they can then make that choice on whether or not the things you bring to the table are “doable.”  Don’t settle.  You have children to raise and follow your life lessons.  Be smart.

Connor knows who his “real” mom is, but also knows who I am to him.  And that’s the most important thing.  It’s equally important that both Shelley and myself are there for Connor.  It doesn’t have the look like this:  “Real” mom vs. “Step” mom.  It can look like this:  mom vs. mom.  Because with whatever term we want to add to it, we both parent him as mothers do.  Take the negativity and “excess” terms out of your life.  See how much happier you and your children will live!! 

I like this shirt and was really happy to find it.  How often do we REALLY catch ourselves telling others that we care about how much we appreciate them?  I mean in reality, probably not as much as it should be said, right.

Though I’m sure you all read about Travis Barker and DJ AM’s plane crashing on Friday night, let’s talk about Chris Baker and the other 3 passengers that died.  All 4 passengers had families, loved ones and passions that they enjoyed daily.  Taken away…in a flash.  To add to the tragedy, Chris Baker left a wife, child and parents.  Tragically Chris’ brother passed away almost a month ago; leaving his parents with no surviving children (I could barely take a deep breath when I read this).  Travis Barker and DJ AM remain hospitalized at the burn center in Georgia.  As their families flee to both of their sides, the family members of the deceased can’t fly anywhere to find “their” loved one.

Appreciate your loved ones.

Appreciate the smiles of your children as they say good-night.

Appreciate the smiles of your children as they wake in the morning.

Appreciate friends.

Appreciate differences while acknowledging similarities.

Appreciate journey’s.

Appreciate a really, really difficult life lesson.

Appreciate nature.

Appreciate your neighbor (at work or home) who you never extend the olive branch to say hello.

Jack told me tonight, ” Gosh, mommy we need to say a prayer tonight for Mrs. (no name for privacy).”  This person Jack mentioned is his Kindergarten teacher at school.  Two weeks into school and a Back to School night never to be forgotten.  This is when she mentioned that she had breast cancer and would be out for an indefinite period of time.  “Mommy, I really hope Mrs. (    ) comes back to school tomorrow.”  (He doesn’t know she has cancer.  I knew she wasn’t coming back tomorrow).

Last night we as a family found out that one of our (step) parents is dying.  We found out over the phone.  A quick, important message left to call back and find out that it wasn’t just for a simple hello.  It was to be told that (she) has brain, bone, lung and liver cancer.  Not one cancer; four.  Not Stage 1 either, Stage 4.  Shock.  Mind blowing shock.

Call a family member, friend or instant bystander and tell them, “I appreciate you.”  And tell them why.  We all know why we appreciate the people in our lives, but because we encompass ourselves in a fast paced, mover and shaker society; we don’t make the time.

Appreciate L-I-F-E. 

TGIF!  Yep, let me say it again…TGIF!  We made it to the end of another week!  You know what that means…Free Flow Friday.

I feel extraordinarily groovy this morning.  Well, I overall feel groovy on a daily basis, but ever since being exposed to www.thefamilygroove.com, I’ve got a little extra spicy-ness!!  So, we have been added this very cool BLOG.  The website is not only about BLOGGIN though.  It also has very groovy articles, horoscopes (which we know I LOVE), cool places to shop for the family and home.  Also, one of my favorite places to check out is the well-being and health section.  Although the fashion ranks high, so does health and well being.  Once we were added on the bloglist, I eagerly checked out the website yesterday.  Of course, my shopping began.  I started at www.littleruler.com.  Rad site with super groovy skater gear from infant to youth.  I picked up some “sale” Quiksilver trunks for Jack, a couple Independent shirts and a Norcal trucker hat for Connor.  Yep, all super groovy stuff.  Kind of like the family groove (wink-wink).  Now, we know my love for shopping and of course they had links that I had heard of and ones I hadn’t.  The fact they had sites I HADN’T heard of really excited me.  So there I was…I did my shopping and then logged out.  That’s all I had time for yesterday.  TODAY was a different story.  As groovy as I felt today, I logged in early this morning and navigated around the site (which is very user friendly).  I started checking out the different tabs, i.e. lifestyle and home, fashion and beauty, well-being and health and bump watch.  Although the site is geared towards mothering, there are a lot of other great things that AREN’T.  Horoscope section (hello, who doesn’t love that)?  One other thing I want to point out is that when you go under a section, “fashion and beauty,” you have to go under what article interests you.  I like this because you don’t have to preview things you may not want too, you know?  It’s like going through a voicemail prompt and 10 minutes later you still can’t leave a message??!

So I get into the well-being and health and started reading the article, Building inner resiliance: cultivating emotional intelligence in children.  Okay, I was hooked.  I actually plan on buying the recommended book about this topic.  It’s pretty interesting; check it out.  I guess my point here is that one of the first articles I read…I was hooked..literally hook, line and sinker.  :)  This is the type of website that I would go to daily to check out some of the new things being displayed.  Maybe one day I shop, the next I read up and the next I of course check out my horoscope.  :)  I like it.  Very well rounded and provides information that is useful.  Also check out the blog list.  There are some other cool blogs out there that have “top picks” and of course the normal useful story about kids. 

I’m intrigued and overwhelmed all in one by this website.  AND I’m still learning about all the things “groovy” on it.  Check it out when you get some time.  Can you tell I’m addicted?

You know I don’t know how many years have gone by that we have had to travel or visit multiple families throughout the day on Christmas.  Last year started a new trend.  The new trend that everyone comes to us (so to speak) and we stay put.  I really like this trend.  Shelley and I came up with this last year when we all got somewhat sick and tired of only seeing our boys for one day here and then having to give them up.  Plus, let’s face it..what child doesn’t want to stay put in one location and play with all of their toys?

So this year may be slightly different.  We are going to do the usual Christmas Eve thing with us elves putting toys together (with an occasional cocktail or two).  The next day, I am going to have an “open house.”  My sister Vonnie did this one year and said she had a blast.  But her traditions have changed too.  She wants to spend Christmas and New Years in Palm Springs swimming at the RV park.  Yes, Griswald’s anyone?  Well, Griswald’s absent their gigantic beautiful camper with a fireplace and enough room for their own life size Christmas tree.  Anyway..back to the open house.  I plan to have everyone and anyone who wants to drop by to visit, have a hot totty or play with the boys.  I plan on having a catered Mexican fiesta.  Some tamales, beans, rice, tortillas, Michelada’s….YUM!!  Yeah, I know it’s not the traditional turkey, stuffing, mash…but like I said….”This is my open house.”  We love the mexican food in this house!!  We even have our favorite Mexican food restaurant on speed dial.

I may even stay in my cozies all day, light a fire inside (and out) and just really relax while we hang out and play with the boys’ toys.  The other cool thing?  Mike and Shelley are more than willing to stay as long as they want.  I told Mike he could bring one of his “girl” friends that he has been dating and Shelley may bring her parents.  A day filled with peace, love and friends and family.  What more can a girl ask for?

Another great part of the morning/day?  The boys get to wake up together and walk out to see what Santa brought them..together.  This is how I experienced Holidays (well some of them).  Some of the time, I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and Christmas Day with my dad.  So, I think this is why I feel it is so important to stay put.  I’d recommend to others to try the “open house.”  It will actually feel liberating.  Family and friends who want to drop by can.  It’s “open.”  Kind of like how flexible we as a family are.

Getting excited for Christmas!!!!  Can’t you tell?

Yep, can you believe they founded and celebrate National Stepfamily Day?  They do, really.  National Stepfamily Day is celebrated annually on September 16th and was founded by Christy Borgeld in 1997.  I think this is great for the people who NEED this, ya know?

I don’t use the word “step” in my family and/or I try to really steer clear from it.  To me it implies negativity.  As though these people or children aren’t good enough to be called “your child,” but instead, my “step child.”  And then you hear….dum dum dum…I feel as though it’s a bad movie title or something.  I mean remember the movie, “Stepfather?”  It was awful. 

Anyway, if you are a stepfamily out there and want to celebrate the good in what you have done…AWESOME!  My hat is off to all of the families out there that make it work given a multiple family household.  It’s hard work and seems as though a day to honor it shows recognition. 

Celebrate your family!!  Whichever way it looks..:)

Happy Monday!  Thought today I would provide you with some fun, interesting facts I located…..check it out!

“The hair color of the wives or companions of the 100 richest men on earth (none were redheads): 62% brunettes, 22% blonde and 16% black.”

“Getting married cuts a man’s weekly housework by about 1 hour but increases a woman’s by 7.”  (Yeah, I’m sure we can ALL feel that one).

“63% of Blackberry owners have utilized their PDA in the bathroom.”  (I think we’ve all been guilty of this one too :).

“A comprehensive U.S. study found that nearly 36,000 children and adolescents are treated for bunk-bed injuries each year.”  (Bizarre…)

“The English language now includes about 995,000 words.  Spanish has 275,000 words and French a mere 100,000 words.” (SUPER interesting)

“Americans use an extra $10.5 billion worth of utilities every year due to additional households created by divorce.”  (WOW, imagine the extra garbage)

“40% of men whose wives don’t work outside the home wish they did.” 

Here’s the best tidbit for the day.

“Toddlers laugh 400 times a day; adults laugh about 15 times.”  (WOW!!!)  This one really makes me think about trying to laugh at least 5 times more?  Make it an even 20 times?  Once I read this fun fact, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Amazing….

Have a great Monday!! 

Free Flow Friday and are you pretty deserving?  Yep, I know I am.  Wink, wink..nudge nudge.  This website is great.  If you cannot read the caption above, the website is www.prettydeserving.com.   Lizzie Sorenson has been involved years and years in PR and most recently had her baby, The Daily Stroll.  She chose to roll out pretty deserving basically being a stylist to all the things she herself would buy.  She knows what your BFF is gonna want for a baby gift.  She’s got you covered, seriously.

So, I signed up to the Daily Stroll and now I get the emails about what is deserving.  The most recent email was about Toms shoes.  I obviously know a great deal about Toms shoes, so maybe I should be a stylist to what is wanted “out there?”  Since I did promote it first, right?  (Just kidding, people).  Here is pretty deserving’s mantra:

“I have been telling people what to buy for years.. Here you will find the scoop on classics as well as new trends for women, kids and home.  If you want a gift for yourself, go ahead, buy it.  We won’t tell a soul.  We know you are pretty deserving!”

How cute is that?  That is so my kind of mantra.  I love to have every reason in the world to buy something, right?  I was excited buying Halloween costumes last night for the boys!  Check out the website.  You can also be a member and receive the “must haves” yourself.  When you log into the website, you will be able to select archives (which will highlight past “must haves”), a spot to sign up under “get the scoop” and the current must have for You, Home and Kids.   Also coming up for the Holiday season, pretty deserving will be providing some deals to save us all money from some our favorite stores or must haves.  We all can have a jiggly ho ho ho to that!!

Here’s the other cool thing…If you have a product that you think is pretty deserving go ahead and submit it.  They may just feature your product as a “must have!”

Check it out..it won’t hurt.  AND you just may find yourself needing several of their “must haves!”

You know every time I have to explain my position in our family and/or explain the type of family we have, I feel as though I am taking four steps back.  Although it is part of our message to explain our family and how we live; it can become somewhat frustrating too.  Frustrating in the sense that we still receive some negative or uncomfortable responses to how we live our life.  This always baffles me.  It’s not as though we are living in a compound with our kids, family members and animals.  I mean come on?  We all live in our respective homes, have our own lives outside of each other BUT choose to remain in communication for our children.  I’m not sure where the negativity comes in?

We aren’t all perfect and that has been stated several times throughout our blog.  Perfection is unattainable and undesirable, but being REAL isn’t.  That’s what our blog and message is meant to spread.  Neither Shelley or I ever stated that we are professional therapists who have a great deal of experience in family/marriage counseling.  We are real people, mom’s and dad’s, a wife, an ex wife, an ex husband and two kids who call each other brothers.  Come on….all I can say is read the blogs and enjoy the website for what it’s worth to you.  Make sense?  If the blogs and message don’t appeal to you or you don’t like what we have to say on a daily basis….don’t tune in.  I mean, I wouldn’t if I didn’t like the message. 

In the last week, Shelley and I have had to field comments or questions from people who still may feel uncomfortable with our family dynamic.  Yesterday sitting talking to Connor at school a third grader asker if Rod was Jack’s father.  Rod said, “I am Jack’s other dad.”  It’s real weird that with the divorce rate with children is where it’s at and people are BAFFLED at the idea that Jack or Connor have two mom’s or two dad’s.  Weird.  At hip hop class last night, one of the other mom’s said, “Oh, I thought HE (Rod) was his dad.”  As Mike stood in the background, I said, “No, Mike is Jack’s dad.”  Oh, okay….great to meet you…

Soccer snacks were being divided up and Shelley mentioned my name and number.  One of the mom’s hesitantly stated, “Ok, I’ll let you deal with coordinating that.”  As though Shelley and I are at each other’s throats.  I mean come on….why would Shelley give my name and number if we HATED each other (like every other family in a divorced scenario)?

We have chosen to live our life in a respectable manner for ourselves and children.  People should not look for the negativity within our family and admire what we have done.  I, by no means am trying to “toot” my own horn, but given the situation we all deserve nothing but respect on how we have handled our family.  Unfortunately we cannot impact the ignorant or skeptical people out there.  BUT wouldn’t that be a great challenge? 

All I can say is this……Look out world….Connor and Jack have a big family, the biggest cheering and support section you will ever see, the largest birthday and holiday parties imaginable, parental role models who chose to take the high road and be respectable and humane to one another and most importantly the stability that will resonate throughout a lifetime.  PRICELESS.

“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen” ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Isn’t this quote so true?  During the process, it can be somewhat grueling, but let’s be honest…what doesn’t take hard work?  In order to be a successful parent, you have to be consistent and involved in your children’s lives.  In order to be successful at your career, it takes work.  Everything takes work.  It’s like that good ol saying, “Nothing is handed to you and nothing will be served up on a silver platter.”  Or at least that was the saying within my household.  We were always taught to work hard, and with working hard and being persistent with your dreams; you will be paid back with talent and success.

I get constantly asked by Jack and Connor if the guitar player or singer from Coldplay has a “hard” job.  I always inform them that it is “hard,” but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t do whatever they wanted.  As long as they set their minds to their passion and what they want; we will support them 100% and beyond. 

So here comes the same analogy.  Keep trying with an ex.  Believe it or not, it’s like a pesky salesman…one day you will respond.  Simple.  Or another thought.  I’m sure at some point, the ex or new spouse will actually get used to the idea that you keep pestering them, and then will jump right on board.  There are some rules associated with persistence.   Here are some key concepts to help out:

1.  Always deliver your message in a respectful manner.

2.  Always deliver the same message.  It’s not about us; it’s about the care and love for the child/children.

3.  Always keep your cool.  Deliver the message with the same tone as well as content.

4.  Always keep trying.  Show who can be the bigger person and rise above the angst and let’s be honest (BS).

5.  Always smile.  When you smile while you are talking on the telephone or while you are emailing; that smile will resonate in your message.  Yeah, I know it’s silly, but we need some enlightenment with this topic.

Remember what you are being persistent about.  I know it can be difficult, but keep doing all you can do for the child/children.  BUT, also remember that you cannot control other people and their actions.  Don’t take offense if the ex or new spouse WON’T talk to you after your persistence.  Realize that yes, you can keep trying, but also realize that it’s not YOUR fault if the relationship doesn’t pan out as you hoped.  Don’t beat yourself up for it; know you did all you could do in your heart.  With positive energy and smiling, you will be able to climb mountains.  Focus on the top of that mountain and always remember you must train before climbing Everest.  Right?  Training is imperative before any major FEAT.  Look at the relationship between the ex and new spouse as a FEAT that you can accomplish through proper training. 

A great movie of persistence:  CJ7.  Darling, film from the same director as Kung Fu Hustle.  Loved this movie and of course, one that I cried at.  Great family movie with your children.  A dad who struggles to send his child to private school, while his son is getting into trouble at school and wanting the guidance of a woman figure in his life (his mother died).  At the end, everyone comes together in this beautiful little foreign film.  BUT persistence played a part with all characters.  The father, son, other kids at school and teachers.  See it.  You’ll love it. 

Yep!!  Free Flow Friday anyone?  Sure, can you ”flow”a shot of tequila from Azul Restaurant and Tequila Bar in Midtown?  Love, love, love this place. 

A few months ago, Rod and I put on some different rims on my Audi.  It was a hot Thursday night, no kids, a date night with the top down.  (No, not me…my Audi).  :)  Since we frequent the same restaurants in Sacramento over and over again, we chose Azul.  Parking was crazy and since we waited so long (It was about 8:00 pm) since midtown/downtown gets filled with people on bikes, cars or merely walker’s; we found one somewhat difficult spot.  So, Rod starts to parallel park and no he didn’t ride up on the curb.  As he rode up on the curb, all I could hear were scraping sounds of my new rim.  My heart sank.  His heart sank.  We got out of the car, looked at the rim, got back in the car and ended date night.  :(  We both were so mad at the tire being “jacked up” within minutes of getting them, that we just went to Taco Bell and went home.  I mean, I’m not too surprised this happened to us.  This always happens.  We nearly wrecked our boat within an hour of buying it?  It’s just us.  Rod and I are both super excitable people who sometimes can’t slow down because of being so excited!  Most of the time, it’s a good thing. 

Anyway, the other day, we decided to have lunch at Azul.  I initially didn’t know it was a tequila bar as well, but was thrilled when we walked in.  The architecture and decor is magnificient.  I felt like I was walking right off the cobbled boardwalk of Puerto Vallarta into Xitomatoes!  The colors are exuberant and ever since being in there…I wished I had a blue wall, with silver birds up in my home.  Actually, I sat through the entire lunch obsessing on where and how I could have that blue wall!  Anyway, not to sidetrack, but the food was also excellent.  I had shrimp “garlicky” tacos.  They were authentic, fresh and most importantly the rice was the BOMB.  We almost ventured over there last night for date night, “garlicky” tacos and tequila, BUT ended up staying at the restaurant we were at due to a little too much alcohol intake.  NEXT time, I am there.  Sipping tequila at the long wood bar…I can see myself now.

Check it out.  They are part of MARRS (midtown, art, retail, restaurant scene).  They are located at 1050 20th Street.  Azul is smack dab in the middle next to Luigi’s pizza, and Soloman Dubnick Gallery.  They also participate (obviously) in second Saturday and generally have live music.  Very cool place, very good food and love the feel inside.  I love Mexico and felt as though they really duplicated the place well.

Pancakes anyone?

“Yes, we love pancakes.  I had pancakes at my dad’s all weekend!”

I am the queen of consistency.  They call me Jill Consistent Christopher.  It is my duty.  Us parents are the captains of our ship and must pull rank for consistency purposes.  I feel like I can drive myself crazy.   

The kids started school last week.  This was the first week that they, of course, had their “packets” of homework.  I had to sit and process all of the information that comes home the first two weeks and then get a schedule in my mind.  Then I implement the schedule.  You know if I wasn’t friends with Shelley or Mike, they both would probably find me so annoyingly obsessively chronic about the boys and “their” schedule.  They probably still do.  BUT, it is really important.

I was hanging out with three of my sister’s mother (my EX step mother) and we were talking about her “step child.”  Which is actually pretty weird.  Here at one time, I was HER step child, and now I’m not.  BUT, we still love each other and talk as though she still is a mother figure in my life.  She is remarried and her husband has a 16 year old daughter.  She explained to me that his daughter goes back and forth and recently told her dad that she was “all over the place” and needed to move in with her mom full time.  She explained to her dad that she didn’t know if she was “coming or going” and couldn’t remain organized enough with school and other important things in her life.  Her dad was devastated but what to do?  Children, teenagers and adults all need some level of consistency.  Isn’t this why we find someone to love, marry and stay with forever?  Consistency, right?  We are all devastated at divorce.  Why?  No consistency.

So needless to say, we are on the same page.  I can send an email letting Mike know Jack likes Laughing Cow cheese.  I can also send an email asking Shelley if she is having Connor read nightly for 20 minutes.  I can do all of this things (while still understanding my placement) in it all.  I don’t have to be timid and afraid to deal with the ex wife or ex husband, and fear what I ask.  It is a fairly liberating life and makes life a lot easier to live.  AND it’s not really about me.  It’s about the kids.  I think I drive myself crazy because I want to remember everything possible for the kids….

Mike finally told me yesterday….”Don’t drive yourself crazy.  Everything will be fine.”  And this is very true.  I guess I’ve got my own control issues!  :)  So between soccer, hip hop, school, homework and guitar lessons, we all have to work together as a team.  And thank goodness our team is all on board!  We’ve got our plans set for Halloween, birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Crazy, but I LOVE and NEED the consistency as well!!

Dale: [whispers] “Hey, are you awake?”
Brennan: [whispers] “Yeah.”
Dale: [whispers] “I hate your guts.”
Brennan: [whispers] “As soon as your eyes shut I oughta punch you square in the face.”

As we all know..the movie Stepbrothers is out and is probably one of the funniest renditions of true “STEP” brothers.  Is this true of all siblings?

For the last two days, Connor has been “punking” Jack.  On Monday, he chose to push him in the pool.  Why?  “Because he wasn’t going fast enough.”  Connor sat out in a time out.  Monday night, Connor was walking out of the bathroom, and pushed Jack out of the way.  Why?  “I didn’t mean too, he was just in the way.”  This morning, Jack asked Connor what shoes is was wearing to school, and Connor grumbled…”My old ones,” attached with a push.  I looked at Connor in PURE amazement, “What are you doing?”  I had only one word. “PUNK.”  And Connor isn’t a “punk,” but he is very quiet with his expressions (including the bad ones).

Jack then came to the table for breakfast.  He ran fast to go to the bathroom and ran back.  I asked, “Did you flush and wash your hands?”  “Yes, mommy I did.”  I asked, “Are you sure?”  While in the middle of asking, “Are you sure,” Connor chimes in…”I didn’t hear it Jaaacckkkkk.”  Trying to get Jack in trouble AGAIN?  So, I again asked Connor, “What are you doing???”  “I don’t know” was his reply.

When both boys came to breakfast, I explained that they are brothers and they need to be nice to one another.  I also explained that at some point in life if Connor or Jack are constantly mean to one another, maybe they won’t have each other’s back when they need it.  And maybe at one point, they may not even like each other.  Connor sat quiet.  Jack asked, “Will Connor always be my brother?”  “Yes, Jack, Connor will always be your brother.”  When I explained they may not like each other, Jack looked and me and said, “Mommy, I may not like how Connor treats me, but I will always LIKE Connor.”  He looks over at Connor, “Right, Connor? Don’t you feel the same?”  Under his breath, Connor says, “Yeah…”

I’ll tell you what….I felt like my Dad this morning.  Growing up, my dad always told me that “before he died,” he wanted to make sure that all of us sisters took care of one another…ALWAYS.  He couldn’t bare the thought of dying and knowing we all didn’t love one another.  BUT you know what is different with me than my Dad?  Yes, it would break my heart if the boys didn’t grow up loving each other…but you know what?  It’s out of my control.  They have to want to love each other, and respect and have each other’s back.  All of this is normal sibling day to day life.  But, I can’t say I always like it.  I feel protective of them both and want them both treated well and loved by one another.  Could it be the older brother to the younger brother?  For me, I don’t know.  I don’t remember being SOOO mean to my younger sister’s?  Maybe there is a difference in girls versus boys?  I guess I will learn as I go.  Although I cannot control the end result for the boys, I can give them the opportunity to “learn” the importance of a sibling.  Neither Jack or Connor has a sibling at their respective other homes.  You would think they would embrace the time together?

We always joke….”We can just switch days and then you guys won’t ever see each other.”  Sounds harsh….but I’ll tell you what….it makes them step back and appreciate what they have.  I love my siblings and wouldn’t change anything.  Life is about sharing, caring and respecting others around us (especially with your sibling).  No one ever gets in the way of your brother or sister.  (At least that is how I am with my sisters).  A tight bond between two boys (brothers) should last forever…whether step, half or full.

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.”  ~Marc Brown